Coffee and C.P.F.D. (Care Package Flashback Disorder)

We are halfway through this month people.  I know it sounds like doing 15 kind things isn't that big of a deal... and you are probably right.  Except that you're not right, you're wrong, and it is a big deal.  And why do you have to be so negative about it anyways?

Here is how I know that it is a big deal.  Today, Harper (5) and London (2) were playing in the yard and they went over to the shed, knocked on the door and shouted "Is anybody home!?  Open up!  We have your kindness!"  My kids are playing kindness!  In the almost nine years that I have been a mom, I have learned that kids often use play to act out what they see happening in their daily lives.  I have seen my kids chastise, feed and rock their baby dolls, and put their "awesome football guy" in a time out, and London has covered her stuffed animals' eyes with their little fluffy paws so she can have "pwivatesy" in the bathroom.  They play what they live... and I think it is a big deal that they are playing kindness.

Then again, their random act of kindness was delivering three shovels to the empty shed... which was even worse than offending those ladies at the bus stop with all the delicious donuts.  Harper and London got about as much eye contact from the shed as I got from those ladies.

So, Day 15, the halfway point.  I bought coffee and delivered it to the wonderful teachers who get to shape and teach my two precious girls everyday.  Annalee had gotten the inside scoop (not so subtly) on her teachers' dream coffee.  The two little ones and I delivered those coffees first.  The teachers had been following along on the blog, so they already knew about the 31 days.

Problem #1:  If your children's teachers are reading your personal blog, then they know that you are a crazy person.

Problem #2:  If your children's teachers are awesome, they will overlook said craziness and invite you to help lead a children's writing workshop.

Problem #3: Said crazy person will likely agree impulsively  though she has absolutely zero credentials or legitimate experience in writing and/or workshopping.  

Next stop was to deliver coffee to Marlie's teacher.

Problem #4:  I do not know how this man takes his coffee.  In fact, I know very little about this man, except what I can get from Marlie which is that "He is a man, and he always has a little chest hair peeking out."  This tidbit was a great image to have, but not helpful in determining his coffee order.

Problem #5:  If said crazy person delivers coffee to a teacher while the kids are in art class, he is likely making copies in the copy room.  This is not the time to say his name, or he may jump and squeal like he was poked in the side with a little spear.

After the yelp, he acknowledged that he scares easy (as do I) and he thanked me genuinely  for the coffee.  When we were leaving the school, Harper asked, "When is it time for our kindness?"  I reminded him that our kindness was bringing coffee to all those teachers.  He clarified that he meant, "when would weeee get a little of that kindness??"  Just as I am finishing the sentence, "I think we are plenty kind to ourselves."  I open the car door directly into London's forehead.  She falls on the ground holding her injured "eye-bow."  Harper looked at me like "That was not exactly what I had in mind."

Since crunching the children with doors was the kindest thing I had done for them... it was a nice surprise to come home to these on my porch:

As I shared previously, my mother sends the worst care packages in history, so this was simultaneously exciting and terrifying.  One package was from my friend Julie, and was full of all these great things for our maybe baby:

And just to drag up all my childhood baggage, my friend Julie threw in this almost used stack of sticky notes:

The other package was from my mother.  The mother of the worst care packages in history.  In case you didn't believe my post about this.  Here is photo evidence:

And if that picture of me in that hat isn't hideous enough, she finally sent gummies. In rat form.

 

So Day 15 was a day of giving and receiving, agreeing to shape the young minds of children at a workshop I am not qualified to be a part of, crunching the baby's head with the car door and eating a rat. All in all, I would say that is a pretty solid halfway point.  I think that my brother would be absolutely delighted that my mother is still terrorizing us via care packages, and I think that this half-month of kindness has been the best way to honor the boy who broke all of her wooden spoons so she couldn't whack him for being irritating.

Kindness is a Gamble

I ain't usually a gamblin' man.  I mean, I'm not a man at all, but if I were, I wouldn't really be the gamblin' type.  But I got a cute idea from a friend about anonymously giving a lottery ticket to a stranger with a note that says "hope you win!"

I planned to buy five $1 scratch off tickets and hide them in random places.  I put my twenty dollar bill into this lotto machine:

Then I saw this sign:

Problem #1: THIS MACHINE DOES NOT GIVE CHANGE. (Esta maquina no da cambio.)

Problem #2: I needed so much change.  (Yo necessito mi dinero back.)

Well, that wasn't going to happen, so I had no choice but to buy so many lotto tickets.  I attached each ticket to a note like this:

And I placed them in random places for random people to feel randomly kinded.  I put them here:

And here:

And I threw one in here:

I tried again to be kind here at the bus stop where I struck out days ago:

And I even threw one in here:

Problem #4: If a gal like me walks into a public restroom, closes herself into a stall and starts taking cell phone pictures... it freaks people out. I think the sound of the tape dispenser just before the picture taking really threw that poor lady for a loop. (For future reference, I will turn off the clicky "chk-chk" sound next time I am using my camera in a public restroom for any reason.  We really don't need anyone speculating...)

I did play and win big myself... two whole bucks back in my pocket.  

Problem #5: When one accidentally and significantly overspends on lotto tickets, one may be insulted at such small winnings.

Well, there you have it.  Day 14.  I may be out $13 more than I planned... but, I feel just a little richer for it.  I sincerely hope that some stranger wins big and that the story will remain that the kindness of an anonymous stranger led to some Average Joe becoming a very Rich Joe who is known more than anything else for being a very Generous Joe.

What if you don't love your neighbor?

The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself.  First of all, I would never wish that on anyone.  I tend to be self-critical, a tad condemning and typically lack self-compassion... so, I strive to love my neighbor as I should love myself and I am also hoping to be a little kinder to myself too.  I truly want to live out this Biblical command in a literal and tangible way...but I caught myself today, Day 13, dragging my feet on my act of kindness for the day because I do not really loooove my neighbor.

Since nobody really speaks hypothetically, I am just gonna shoot ya straight.  My neighbor swears all night long and she drove her car into her own house, hypothetically speaking.

I so desperately want to be the kind of woman who can't help just lovin' on people.  I try, I really do.  I am friendly and I try to have conversations and I have offered to help with her son when she is running late getting him off the bus.  But, if I am being really honest... I judge her.  I am so ashamed to admit that, but I do.  I judge her parenting style, her phone conversations (which I can hear loud and clear 22 hours a day) and I judge the number of horrible things she says in front of her child.  I am not the kind of woman who just loves on someone until they soften and change... I am a wicked, judgmental woman.  Surprise.  It's so sad.

I have this internal battle with people like this... I genuinely want to love them and soften them and I want to walk through life with broken people, ministering to their souls.  But, on the other hand, I also kinda want to slap broken people, because they are usually breaking someone else in the meantime.  Sometimes I wonder if I had a bit more self-compassion, and was less critical of myself, and if I chose to view myself through the lens of grace... that I just might be a little less judgmental and more gracious toward others.

So, I brought some apple crisp.  I brought it over to my neighbor and it was well received and that's really where it all ends.  I hear no swearing tonight, so I am gonna believe that my apple crisp was ministering to their marital souls and that they feel loved by the wicked witch to the west.
 

How Much is That Doggy in the Window

When I was little, I used to follow my brother Adam around like a puppy.  In fact, his wrestling team gave me the nickname lil' pinner because not only did I look like Adam, but because I would follow him around at his wrestling meets, often times wearing his sweathsirt, eating Jello jigglers, and practicing my wrestling moves on the mat.  I wanted to be just like him, even in his wrestling skills... which were superior enough to earn him 2nd in State his junior year, and also the nickname Pinner.  As I shared earlier, my brother passed away on Halloween night when he was a senior in high school.  That night, I had unknowingly walked house to house, trick-or-treating on the same street that he would later be tragically shot and killed.  For my Halloween costume that night, I had dressed up like Adam.

I wore his wrestling singlet, his warm-ups and his headgear.  I was lil' pinner.

If all of my following and idolizing every bothered Adam, he never once let me know.  He tolerated my presence and so did his friends.  Only once did he ever initiate this type of behavior though, and it is one of my favorite memories of Adam.  He actually asked me to follow him around.  We had just gotten a new puppy, a tiny little maltese, named Mia, that was just big enough to stretch to the size of your palm.  I had just finished soccer practice and had gone over to the stadium to watch Adam's soccer game.  I was sitting on the bleachers with Mia sleeping inside my shinguard, on my lap.  After the game, Adam saw his cute little sister, holding a cute little puppy who was sleeping in a tiny shinguard.  He insisted that I follow him around, like a puppy... and with a puppy!  It took me a while to realize why he dragged me around that stadium until every pretty girl got a good look at him in all his tender glory with his baby sister and adorable sleeping puppy.

This memory was sparked by my friend, Chrisann, who volunteers at an Animal Rescue in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  Every year they do a big fundraising event and silent auction and she works hard to accumulate items to auction to raise money for food, supplies and medical care for lots of adorable little puppies.  This has to be a thankless job in a lot of ways, so, for Day 12, I mailed two my headbands to Miss Chrisann to go to the highest bidder.  I am sure these will bring in millions upon millioins of dollars. Each.

Actually, I have to admit that today I was a little less others-focused than I have been for most of this month. Instead I was a little more focused on the "oh boy, we are maybe having a baby any minute, which will change the trajectory of our entire lives, for the rest of our lives, so I should complete nine months of nesting in 24 hours just in case because I should be ready for anything... orrrr nothing will happen at all."  So, completing an act of kindness today was not going to happen randomly, it had to be intentional... and I needed back up.

So, I packaged everything up and sent my boys on a mission to the post office.  I handed Harper a candy and gave him clear instructions to give the treat to the postal worker and say "my family is doing 31 days of kindness, so this is for you!"

Instead, Harper said "It's 30 kindness!"

Since the postal worker doesn't speak cryptic five year old, he rejected the treat and sited "I don't eat candy" as his excuse.  Tom politely encouraged him to do the kid a solid and "maybe he could share the candy with a friend."  He accepted, but wasn't really thrilled about it.  The most shocking thing I have learned so far this month is how difficult it is for people to graciously accept kindness from a shady stranger.

I am beyond guilty of this.  I can't even graciously accept a gift (or a even a compliment) from a close friend without a stupid reaction of shock and guilt and fear.  I cannot imagine that this is the joyful response a gift-giver is hoping for.  I must have ruined so many generous moments for people.  I am learning not to rob people of the blessing of giving, because I feel guilty receiving.

I had a little practice with it today when my old friend, Julie, offered to send some baby boy clothes and cloth diapers our way.  My first instinct was to lie and say "No, we don't need anything, we have all things we need, always, everything is fine and we never need. Ever"  I tried a little of that, but she shut me down pretty quick and I am pretty sure the items shipped today.  Too kind.

I get it.  It is hard to accept the baby clothes, or the diapers, or the squashed candy from the boy at the post office.  Honestly though, just take the stinkin' candy bar already and keep your trap shut.  Act excited and blessed and maybe even kiss a lady on the mouth.  That's the fun of giving, and that is what makes it contagious.

Day 11 + Bonus Feature: ADOPTION UPDATE

Day 11 blew my mind.  What I did today was not very mind blowing... but the day itself has blown my mind.  In the interest of saving us all some precious time... I am going to neatly list the events of the day below.  Let us not forget that this is my blog, and while I am trying to act kind in the outside world, in my blog world... I get to be as rude and bossy as I like.  So, just start loving the bullet points.

• I attempted to bring donut holes to some ladies at a bus stop, because it was about 47 degrees and for me, that's quittin' weather.  I brought them over, briefly explained what I was doing, and they refused to even look at my face.  They just said "no thank you, ma'am."  After rethinking the situation, I fear that they think that I thought that they were homeless.  My bad.
• So, I took my donut holes over to the guy who wears the Cash for Gold sandwich board sign.  I just gotta believe that that is a horrible job.  Who ever said "Ya know, I was on my way to some place else, but that sign just drew me right in and I couldn't help but bring you all these gold watches."  Who has gold they no longer want, on their person?  I understand a sign that says "Stop here for a delicious food item!"  Because in the impulse of the moment, the sing might actually work.  But nobody in the history of the world has impulsively exchanged precious metals for cash money.  So, he gets donuts.  He was happy to look me in the eye and was even so thankful that he offered to pay it forward by taking me to "a nice dinner and a movie."  I pulled out my go-to response when a situation like this comes up... I say something along the lines of "Yeah, that sounds like fun... but, I would have to check with my HUSBAND to see if he will babysit all FOUR of our kids."  (Insert good-natured chuckle.)  He no longer wanted to do dinner and a movie and thought that Tom might "come after him with a hammer."  Which I would pay good money to see.  But, I'll have to convert all my gold first.  
• I went to the post office to mail more M&M's to my pregnant stepsister, because she saw that picture from my blog and gave me a facebook message that was the equivalent of puppy dog eyes.  Plus, she is building my niece or nephew from scratch... so she gets candy.
• I bought five more stamps to leave at the register for the next stamp-needer.  The post lady almost wouldn't let me do it!  She was very leery, asking if it was some kind of chain letter and "what does it all meeeean anyway?"  I couldn't understand how it could possibly have anything to do with a chain letter, but I assured her that no curse would come from anyone not willing to participate... but that I did hope that it had a chain reaction type of effect.  She did not seem to think it would, but I think she secretly loved me for it.  
• THEN.  This has nothing to do with random acts of kindness... it has more to with our current adoption process.  I got a call from our social worker and she gave us some information about a birthmother we have been praying for since July.  She had chosen our profile (which means that of all the families whose information/photo books she saw, she chose ours!)... but later had fallen out of touch for about a month.  Eventually, after a long time with no contact from the birthmom, the social workers decided that it wasn't fair to keep us waiting for a situation that was obviously not going anywhere... until TODAY when we learned that this baby is coming any day and (at this point) the birthmother still wants us to parent this baby.  Nothing is set in stone, clearly, but we are potentially going to get a call any time saying to go to Manhattan to pick up our baby boy!  
• Tom is in a catatonic state, there was even a low hissing sound at one point.  I'm not sure where the confusion came in... I know that he filled out the paperwork and went to all the same interviews that I went to.  He has saved money and raised funds like a champ... but, somehow he forgot that all of this results in BABY #5!!  Welp, surprise!  He'll get on board soon enough, and maybe then I can take the bib off him.  Just kidding... he isn't really that bad.  He's just a little stunned at how quickly things turn around in this journey.  I am a little stunned myself.  But even at my worst, I would never, ever hiss.

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