Day 31: A Final Tribute

Buckle up guys, a lot's going down in this post.  We've got something for everyone:  Pictures!  Videos!  Environmental hazards!  Take your pick.

For starters, I need to double back to Day 30.  Our friends, Pat and Megan, are getting married this weekend and I made the hair pieces for the bridal party and threw in a few extra pieces too.  This was actually my wedding gift, so I admit that it is a bit of a stretch to call it an Act of Kindness... but so much love went into each piece, and time, aaaand I am adorable and convincing and you will accept this all as sufficient for day 30.

For Day 31, we sent a little something out (a couple bucks leftover on a Dunkin Donuts gift card) into the universe, hopefully to bless a person and not just to entangle a ducklings little flippery-paw thing.  We captured it on video so you could all see our ridiculous costumes, as well as our antics.  I have a little enviro-guilt about this one, so please refrain from chastising me, taking comfort in the fact that I have already done so myself.

From L to R (Jaylen - Was supposed to be London's groom, but he ate his top hat and vomited on his tuxedo. Tom - Groom, Me - Bride, Annalee - Tweedledee, Marlie - Tweedledum, Harper - Spiderman, London - Groomless Bride.)  If you are having a hard time picking up on the theme, that's because there really isn't one.

So, our video is nothing compared to what's next.  The boys from Day 2 have a little something to contribute.  If this doesn't melt your heart, then I will pencil you in for 31 Days of Interventions because you have serious emotional problems  then we can agree to disagree on this one.  Check it out...

It is crazy to me that my brother's short, stolen life continues to impact people to this day.  I cannot even count how many messages I got from people who knew my brother, Adam, and were impacted by his life.  I cannot help but feel that God refused to let Adam's life be lost in vain.  I just imagine God saying "Alright, fine... but good luck trying to stop that kid's legacy."

These 31 Days of Kindness were done in loving memory of my hero and big brother, Adam.  I am so thankful that I got to be his "lil' pinner."

Love, your baby sister

Day 29: The Arctic Skinny Dipping of House Visits

As it gets closer to Halloween, I've discovered that it gets harder and harder to write.  And not just to write, but to pour myself into this project.  Grief can make you feel like you are swimming with your clothes on.  I can feel so heavy, that it requires slow, labored, intentional movements in order to survive.

Even mundane tasks during times like that are exhausting.  And after Day 29, I am reminded how some people feel like that, emotionally or physically, every single day. 

Yesterday, our Act of Kindness was to visit Lexi's grandmother.   This past summer, she had a stroke and has been wheelchair-bound ever since.  The last time I was out visiting her, she was playing with the kids, cooking from scratch and telling funny stories.

This visit was very different, and though she said very little, you could still see that mischievous little grin during playful conversations.  Still, she is now completely dependent upon her children and grandchildren for her daily care, as well as for the managing of her home.

So, Lexi and I took London and Jay on the hour long drive out to the boondiggities to visit the apple farm where grandma lives.  My goal was to give relief to Lexi's aunt, who is now living with grandma indefinitely to care for her.  I have seen my mom diligently care for my great aunt and grandmother, both living with us at different times, and both with Alzheimer's, as well as a close family friend, Carol, who faithfully cared for her mother-in-law in her own home for years.  Seeing it first hand made me aware that caring for elderly family members is certainly one of the most sacrificial labors of love I have seen expressed.

I fear that our visit, while a welcome distraction, probably was not a "break" for either of them.  Let's be honest, any time I show up with my spunky London, really, only her own grandmas are relieved!  London was really just in it for the apples, and Jay, he was in it for the opportunity to scavenge for whatever choking hazards he could find.  

Needless to say, we were useless in the relief department, but I am going to pray that our visit was, if nothing less, a little break from that heavy, swimming-with-clothes-on feeling.  Even if a visit with us is more like the shock of a skinny dip in arctic waters... it broke up the monotony.  And while actual arctic skinny dipping would be horribly dangerous and ill-advised for a rehabilitating stroke-victim, a couple of silly kids is maybe just what the doctor ordered.

Plus, Lodon got those apples after all.

Thanks to me...

Day 27 & 28: Babies and Snickering

So the past couple of days were a whirlwind.  I was in New York City visiting Miss N, Jay's birthmom, when I got the call that my friend, Erica, was in labor.  Erica was the very first friend I made when we moved to Rochester about 7 years ago, and she remains one of my very best friends to this day.

We have babysat each other's kids, we've shared tips about raising our kids, we have begged for prayer for our kids, and we were both in the rooms when we each gave birth to a kid.  We've been through it all... So, Day 27 was hopping on the first flight out of NYC to get back to see this little girl be born!! 

Just in case I missed the birth, I gave the JetBlue ticket taker a metro pass that  still had a couple bucks on it.  When I gave it to him he said "I don't really ever take the train, but I can give it to people as a souvenir."  I don't even know what that means, and it took me a while to realize that that was probably a huge waste... But whatever, I was gonna see baby girl enter this world!

Then she was born.  

Twenty minutes before my plane landed.  

Which I found to be a very selfish start for her.  Nonetheless, miss Sadie Marie Robinson came into this world with a beautiful face and the tiniest, most edible little ears you ever did see.  

You can't tell, but that ear is the size of my thumbprint.  I want it on a key chain.

Since I missed the birth, Day 27 was really just wasting a metro ticket.

For Day 28, I was in line at the grocery store with some friends, buying some personal items (eh hem, that's really all you need to know...) and since I am truly a seventh grader trapped on the body of a, well, let's be honest, the body of a seventh grader... I was giggling about the personal nature of my personal items.  For general informational purposes, you should probably be made aware that giggling makes the cashier so uncomfortable... and if your item is really worth giggling over, then you should buy that cashier a candy bar.

She seemed pleasantly surprised, probably because she hasn't ever had a customer with so little maturity, but maybe also because she didn't see that Snickers coming!

Day 25 & 26: Big City Stories & Sandwhiches

I received a message yesterday (Day 25**) from an acquaintance who mentioned that she was following these 31 Days of Kindness, and also that it would have been her late father's 91st birthday.  I have found that sharing my grief so publicly seems to give others permission to share their grief as well.  I can only hope that sharing the healing that these small acts bring me will, similarly, have that same healing effect on others.

In response to her message, I wanted to bless a man who was as old a her father would have been.  So my goal was to find the oldest man I could, but I wasn't sure how to bless him.  I discovered that there are zillions of old people in Manhattan, and almost all of them have seem to suffer from severe mental illness.  It was actually really sad, but I discovered that the greatest kindness one could probably show to an elderly person is to take time to listen to the story of their life.  

Stories of war, love, disability checks, feast and famine, becoming a widower, estranged from children, illness, pain, loss and loneliness seem to be a common thread woven in the stories of these long lives.  Yet, being seen and heard, is a healing kindness to a people who are largely ignored.  

--

In selfishly unrelated news, Melissa and I saw (and maybe followed) Diana Ross and her daughter all the way to their building!  Her hair was sensational and I love her so much.

And you may not be able to tell from this picture, but if you look really close, you can tell that she loves me too.

I love this city.  I love Diana Ross.  I love old men with tragic stories.  I love seeing a perfectly serious woman on a bicycle wearing regular clothes, and a top hat.  I loved seeing this truck full of singing, dancing farm animal puppets, for no reason whatsoever. 

I mean... Why!? 

It's a wild city, but I love it.  And I loved Day 26.

I met up with Jess and her son Colin.  I knew Jessica back in high school, and not even that well really, but my brother Adam went to prom with Jess' sister Jean-Marie, back when the tea-length ball gown was the cat's meow.

So, Jess and Jean-Marie followed our 31 Days of Kindness last year, and Jess blessed our family with a huge kindness of helping us with flights so we can bring Jay to NYC to visit Miss N.  She and Melissa are the reason we were able to agree to having such an open adoption.  

It goes without saying, I owed her a cup of coffee.  But her and her amazing son, Colin, had grander and kinder plans.  They wanted to participate in Day 26.  So they spent the morning doing this:

So that we could spend the day doing this:

Colin made and delivered about a dozen sandwiches for homeless men and women throughout the city, making sure that each person had dessert as well.    After reflecting on all that we saw and the experience of the day, Colin drew this remarkable picture when he returned home.

Jess is raising such a talented and terrific kid, and it was fun to get to know them both.  It made Day 26 very special.  Almost as special as the man we saw dressed in all red, with a flowing black mullet holding a mirror-encrusted school folder in front of his face so people couldn't look directly at him.  It was so bizarre, and the only thing I loved more than Diana's glorious hair.  

**For the purpose of continuity one detail of this story was altered, I actually did both kindnesses today.  Melissa, while the most kind and generous possible host one could imagine, it turns out that she hates, and does not support, my acts of kindness.  When I told her yesterday that I had to "bless an old man" she simply said, "I hate this."  

So, I was forced to wait until she was on an airplane heading out of the city before I blessed the elderly. Against her wishes.  

Day 24: A Dollar, Dishes and a Delivery

One year ago, almost to the day, I was in Manhattan.  I was in the middle of my first annual 31 Days of Kindness, and we had gotten a call that we were chosen by a birthmother to adopt her baby.  You can read the original post here, but the long story short is that she changed her mind in the hospital, and we had to drive home with one empty car seat.  That was not the baby that God had intended to be in our forever family.  It wasn't until the following January until we learned who our "mistry baby" would be. 

Jaylen came to us months later, and without a doubt, he is the child that was meant to be in our family.  (You can read about his homecoming story here.)  Jay was also born in New York City, and coming back a few months after our failed adoption was very challenging, but healing at the same time.

We have, what is called, an open adoption with Jaylen's birthmother.  Every open adoption looks different, but ours looks like this:  I send Miss N. text and picture messages every couple of days, I update a private blog with pictures and information about Jay's health and development, we talk and/or FaceTime occasionally, and I bring Jaylen to visit every few months.

Day 24.  It may be a bit of a stretch because it is hardly a random act of kindness... but this morning, I packed up a zillion pounds of baby gear and I boarded a plane to come to Manhattan to honor our commitment to facilitate a relationship between our son and his first mama.  As thrilled as I am to make these visits, they are a bit of a sacrifice, and I have to rely on the generosity of my friends Jessica (who helps with flights) and Melissa (*who forced me to do her dishes as payment for staying at her place.)

*That was a total lie, but I did do her dishes, and I put a dollar in a homeless man's change receptacle which I am counting as a kindness in case this doesn't do it for you people:

So there you have it, dishes done willingly, dollar given joyfully and birthmom reunion.  How ya like that Day 24?