January 29, 2011
this is not the first run-in with imagined predators in harper's room. one night a while back, after tucking harper in with his blanket and little stuffed shark, i closed the door and stood outside his room to see how the scene would unfold. here is what i heard outside his door:
upon the click of the door, harper instantly began saying "oh nooo, mama... oh nooo." he sounded desperate and heartbroken that i would ever leave him alone to nap. as if that wasn't enough for me to feel awful, the scene escalated. his "oh nooo's" quickly turned to "no! no! NO! NOOOOO!!" he was screaming as if he was literally being eaten alive by something with very sharp teeth. i thought that something had actually gotten in his room and he was actually in danger... his screams were so real, and so urgent!
then i opened the door.
sitting on his bed, harper had streams of tears pouring down his face. his eyes were shut as tight as he could squeeze them, and his chubby hands were wrapped around his little stuffed shark, which he was holding up to his throat, mid-shark-attack. he had opened the mouth of his shark, pushed it up against his throat and let 'er rip.
when i went in, it took him a few yells of his name before he realized that i had even come in. he was, obviously, quite busy being eaten alive and didn't hear me come in. i calmed him down, banished the shark to the playroom and forbade him from using his imagination during naptime ever again.
whenever i give my mother an inaccurate account of my childhood, she always says "if that's how you remember it, it might as well have been that way." i think of that sometimes with my own kids. i think of what they will report back to me someday about their lives, about me as a mom, and about how they felt growing up. what will be my failures in their mind? what will be my shortcomings? the injustices they endured in this house? who knows... but, their fears, their experiences (real or imagined) can be pretty traumatic.
i am keenly aware of my faults and shortcomings as a mother, trust me on that one. but, in spite of a million weaknesses, i know of one strength i have for sure: i will fight for my kids. come hell or high water, i will take them back from whatever it is that has them by the throat, and i will fight for them.
the other night, my sweet friend sam gave me a bit of encouragement about this whole adoption process. she said, "if you were adopting internationally, would you feel just as guilty about doing a fundraiser? if you thought of it as raising a ransom for your child, would you still have such a hard time asking people to buy a t-shirt?" she also said to me, "when this is all said and done, and your child looks at you and says 'mama, was i worth it?' what will you say?"
ugh. friends like her are so obnoxious with all their conviction and rightness. but, the girl's got a point. i don't care what it takes, i will fight for my kids. even the one i don't have yet. so, while it may take me a year or even two... i am going to grab the shark and tear it away from the throat of this kid. whether that shark be expenses, or self-doubt, or fear... in the name of jesus, i am going to tear that shark a new one.
January 28, 2011
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January 26, 2011
January 23, 2011
me: "i do, those are handsome eyes!"
harper: "who do i look like?"
me: "you look like a handsome guy."
harper: "no, i look like jesus! and a little moses too."
not sure where moses came in, but if you gotta choose two guys to look like, jesus and moses are pretty solid picks! and for a kid who may always wonder who he looks like, it is nice to know that at 3 years old he already knows (at least in part) that he looks like jesus.
genesis 5:1 "when God created man, he made him in the likeness of God."
January 22, 2011
1) i do not like asking for help.
January 18, 2011
i understand the question... i really do.
i could get in to all the reasons we love having a big family, or how we have felt God tugging at our hearts, asking us to open our home to a child who needs one, and to trust that He will provide the funds to make it possible. i could explain why adoption is so expensive, and i could even break down our budget and spending, and explain why we don't have $15,000 just sitting around. but, i don't think that would really help anyone understand why we want to adopt again.
but, perhaps this will help.
today, harper came over to me, batting his long, curly eyelashes kinda slow, and said "(sigh) i just really love you." then he laid his head in my lap and sighed again, bigger this time. then he looked up at me with those huge dark eyes and said "i just can't believe you."
i laughed and said "i really can't believe you either, bud."
and he replied, "because i'm your wish come true?"
"yes, harper, you are."
so, maybe that explains why we want to adopt... yes, again. because since i was a little girl, i dreamed about harper. i dreamed and i wished for a child of my own, one that would not be born of my womb, but of my heart. i wished for that. adoption is the means through which our family has been made extraordinary and God is generous enough to call us into this process yet again. so whether we sell t-shirts or not, God will provide for this miracle of joining a "forever mama" with the babe of her heart.
January 17, 2011
we have officially launched our etsy site where we are selling t-shirts, dresses and totes that say "adoption is the new pregnant." they are super cute, super comfortable and 100% of the proceeds go directly to pay for our adoption costs. we cannot express our gratitude for any support we receive. check our our store below!
January 16, 2011
January 15, 2011
More info to come!