Days 15, 16 & 17: A Bride, A Groom and A Stanky Leg

Well hello again.

I know that I have been missing in action, but I assure you that this post shall prove that I have indeed been in constant action. I am giving myself Days 15 and 16 for wedding stuff (which you will see below was way more than two days work... so I am not really taking an out on this one I promise!)  Here are some pictures of all the work that I was claiming to have done, of which I can finally provide evidence! 

The total was somewhere around 55 pieces completed for the festivities. Including...

Hairpieces for 8 bridesmaids and 5 flower girls. Boutonnieres and bow ties for 7 groomsmen, 2 dads and 7 ring bearers. (Yes, you read that right... there were more children IN the wedding, than there were guests AT the wedding.) ;)

Snazzing up my dress, and the girls' dresses, as well as some alterations...

London the (bossy) fashionista requested a vintage hat/blusher veil! 

Wrist corsages for 2 moms and a grandma.

Headpiece for the bride (which included a bit of vintage lace from her mom's veil)

And the piece that took the most time (over 60 hours to be precise!) was made from those same tiny bits of lace that edged along my mother-in-law's veil. I sewed together the lace trim into one large piece to create a new back to Carlie's dress. My sister-in-law, Shannon, and I spent countless hours working and re-working the piece to make it perfect. She is a very talented seamstress and was able to attach the lack back to the dress. We created lace cap-sleeves that connect the back to the front. It was basically Carlie's dream dress that we custom built by repurposing her mom's bridal veil. If you aren't impressed with us at this point, then I can't help you.

This is the lace, about 60 hours in, all sewn together from pieces of lace trim about the size of my thumb.

Then attached to the dress.

Carlie's first fitting! As you can see, she was ecstatic...

Apart from those things, I did Carlie's hair and makeup and hosted the pre-wedding photos at my house. (This may not be that big of a deal, but we only moved like 3 weeks ago, so it was no small feat to get the house host-ready!) 

But is was all worth it for the big day!!

Congratulations Calum and Carlie Shaw!!

Day 17, I wrote thank you notes to Calum's family for coming all the way to New York from Scotland, and for hosting the rehearsal dinner. They were wonderful people, and we enjoyed them so much that this was literally the least we could do.

I also offered to babysit for two little girls whose brother was in the hospital... but their super aunt stepped in to save the day, so instead we got the joy of having them all over to our house for dinner and a lot of excessive screaming-while-playing.

Day 17 is always special to me because 17 is an ongoing theme... Adam only lived 17 years, and that happened to also be his jersey number, and mine and my siblings', etc. This post is mostly about having spent the past few months preparing for my husband's sister to get married. Tom and Carlie have almost the exact same age difference as Adam and I. As hectic as my life has been in preparation for Carlie's special day, I couldn't imagine not doing this for her. Of course, I adore her and she is also my little sister, but more than that, I know what it is like to lose a sibling, and I would give anything to have worked my fanny off for Adam's wedding. When every part of me knew that the rational thing would be to say "no," I cannot imagine looking back and regretting doing for Tom's little sister what I believe Adam would have done for me.

I hope you all don't feel abandoned during the past few days of insanity. I hope you know that I have felt lifted up and encouraged and inspired by all of the #AdamsActs that have spread (lilterally) around the world. I hope to part by inspiring you with a couple ridiculous videos of our family shenanigans.

And since poor Jay did all the work of rehearsing this dance with us, but lost his head at the reception and was banished to bedtime... I also want to feature a little taste of what he would have brought to the table. Enjoy the unnecessarily high falsetto.

Day 13&14: A Cornucopia of Kindness

Day 13 & 14 were, what I like to call, a cornucopia of kindness.

As my sister-in-law's wedding rapidly approaches, my free time (of which I have very little in general) has been seriously depleted. So, for the past two days I have been very intentional about complimenting as many people as possible.

I do not believe that one should ever think a compliment. A compliment should be spoken, out loud, and as frequently as  possible, while still being sincere. But, I upped my compliment game during these past two days and the best example was when I rolled down my window and yelled "I love your hair" to a high school girl who I always see walking home at 3:00. She always has really gorgeous braids or something, and today she had a twist out that deserved a drive by shout out.

I'm pretty sure she reported my vehicle (and my behavior) to the police.

In addition to cat-calling young girls... I have given a couple free haircuts, styled a friend's hair for an event she had, helped decorate the barn for the reception, continued making stuff for the wedding - including the final dress fitting for the wedding gown that my other sister-in-law and I enhanced/re-worked.

I sent out some encouraging text messages to some friends I have been praying for, and I spent time chatting with a few different people when my to-do list wanted me to avoid people altogether.

And for my final kindness, I haven't panic-slapped anyone even though my life is insane right now and it would actually feel really cathartic. I will now go to Carlie's bachelorette party where I plan to spread the kindness via my vocal stylings.

My brother, Adam, had some really outstanding dance moves. His legs could move ridiculously fast for some reason, and I plan to emulate this ability tonight, during karaoke. 

Day 12: #AdamsActs Fail

Okay, so last night I couldn't get this vidglog to upload, probably because the internet was attempting to reject my hairstyle (think Weird Al/side ponytail/bedhead/haggard woman who just lost a pillowfight), but I finally got it up and running. You're welcome.

This is for all you ATATT fans out there. All Tom, All the Time.

Day 11: Loving on Lifesavers

Sometimes, you meet people that you like. And then that's it. But sometimes, you meet people that you adore and they make you a cutting board and then five years later you find yourself somehow inside the most sacred places of their lives and you stop and realize what a privilege it is to be there. Today was one of those times and Pap and Meenkin are those people. (Okay, they are actually Pat and Megan, but Jay doesn't know that and his way is so much cuter.)

I won't tell Pap and Meenkin's whole story, because it is not mine to tell... but the important bits are that they are amazing parents to two unbelievably adorable baby girls, Morgan and Zoey, who came into the world at 27 weeks, weighing little more than 2 pounds a piece. These little ladies came onto the scene with plenty of challenges ahead, but even more spirit, and they continue to blow me away with their progress. (And their cuteness.) Pap and Meenkin have advocated for their baby girls, they have spent 5 weeks of long days in the NICU making sure their daughters have the best possible care. They are fighting for their girls, and their girls are fighting too. And somehow, I got the honor of laying eyes on these precious little wonders today. And then I fell in love.

They are already smarter and more attractive than all the other babies. And the love was obviously mutual, I could tell that they think I am wildly hilarious and was pretty much their favorite visitor, including future visitors. So I guess I'm just generally their favorite person. It was all very flattering.

For Day 11, I was spoiled to be able to spend a whole day with Megan, laughing a lot, but mostly crying on our nailpolish and desserts. But after that, we went to the NICU to deliver some special thank you's that my kids made for the nursing staff who work around the clock to help Morgan and Zoey get bigger and stronger every day.

This isn't just a NICU thing, Pat insists on always wearing that mask. JK he has a cold.

In honor of Morgan and Zoey, here are some #AdamsActs that you could consider doing!

-make donations to your local Ronald McDonald House

-thank/encourage NICU nurses

-donate restaurant gift cards to families with a child in the hospital

-donate blood

-get vaccinated against pertussis to protect all newborns

-bring groceries or a meal 

-pray for Morgan and Zoey

We first met Pat and Megan through their own act of kindness toward us. They reached out to us, and they supported our adoption and our family, and their act of kindness is how our friendship first began. Tom refers to this as the "butterfly effect of kindness" (but he says it using his movie trailer voice-over voice.) It is how one act of kindness toward another can ripple out to make significant, life-altering waves. Sometimes it takes a few years to see the waves roll in, and sometimes we never get to see the fruit of our acts at all, but whether we get to see the outcome or not, we truly believe that God is using the ripple of each and every act of kindness to create waves... and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the waves will mean friendship with really special people and their little angel babies.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139;13-16

Happy birthday Meenkin... you are a wonderful mommy!

Days 9 & 10: Baggage Ahead

Y'all are about to get all my stuff.

Ya know that really heavy baggage you don't really ever want people to know about? Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I mean.

When I went to bed last night with a thousand things racing through my head that needed to be done before the wedding this Friday, I prayed that I could keep these acts of kindness (and more importantly an attitude of kindness) in the forefront of my mind today. I really hate that feeling when you realize that you have gotten so wrapped up in what is urgent, that you have lost sight of what is important. So, I prayed for perspective and the ability to keep my eye on the goal: to glorify God with every thought, word and deed.

Then I woke up this morning. 

I wish I could start this story with "it was just one of those really rough days when..." but when you are raising a child who comes from some sort of trauma, basically every day is "just one of those really rough days when..."  I don't care what the "hard place" is that a child comes from, whether it be foster care, an alcohol saturated uterus, or just a really sensitive spirit struggling to cope in a harsh world, some kids are fighting through life more than others, and raising them is really, really hard.

Our beautiful, talented friends, Brandi and Danny Ebersole, have been an integral part in helping us tell our family's story by creating the video below. It was very hard for us to share at first, but we have come to the realization that shame and silence further isolate struggling families and nobody was going to benefit from our silence. You can see what I'm talking about here:

Rough stuff right? Well, when I went to bed last night, I prayed for God to be glorified through my personal agenda . When I woke up to His agenda it was not fun. My day was much less productive and much more painful than what I had planned for myself, and I spent a bit less time on the "urgent" things from my to-do list, and a little more time on the important things. 

Harper needed me. He needed me to walk him through his emotions, to name them and define them. It takes a lot of time to do that with him. All day long. And I'll be honest, I am really weary. 

And as frustrating as it was to see hours of my day just evaporate when I have such an extensive to-do list, I had to stop and recall my prayer the night before. I prayed that I would glorify the God who adopted us, who calls us His children, for no other reason than because he loves us and it pleases him to do so. How foolish to think that there was an act of kindness more important to complete than struggling through this hard place with my boy. 

For Day 9, we gave someone a washing machine. Long story.

Day 10, I spent time today encouraging a couple moms who are in the trenches with their boys with various special needs. I had a long conversation with a newish friend, I wrote a letter to a friend of a friend, and sent some encouraging words to other moms that I know could use it. Again I find myself wanting to qualify this with "I know it wasn't much, but..." but, nothing. Some moms get calls from their child's teacher daily to discuss the problem de jour. Some moms get pushed down the stairs when their child is angry. Some moms spend all day and night changing feeding tubes. Some moms have been hospitalized with depression and/or exhaustion. Some moms have to call the police to restrain their child during a rage. Some moms feel really, really alone.

So, it's a great kindness indeed to let someone know that they are not alone. To be reminded that the God who sees, and knows, and cares, is walking ahead of us, and beside us, and around us is truly a comfort on this road with a traumatized child. I cannot imagine a better picture of the gospel, than adoption. The fact that God chose us and made us his own, and he loves us and forgives us even as we abuse his grace. He is the ultimate Father and he has taken every harsh word, every fist shaken at him, every hurt and betrayal, and he has loved us anyway. It is my hope that we will remember this redeeming love and that, we too, will love those who are hurting, and forgive those who betray, and lay our lives down for our enemies and those who harm us... perhaps even though they are sometimes our children.