The Easiest Thing for me to Write About

I am thankful for my kids.  I know this seems like a cop out, but seriously, if you met my kids... you would probably report my poor housekeeping skills to CPS to try to get custody of them. That's how awesome my kids are.  I am so tired, and have such a headache... so, i am going to default to list mode.

Day 2:

• Even when my kids make me nuts, they are hilarious and adorable.
• They mispronounce things in such awesome ways, I can't correct them because I never want it to change.  (Who would want to correct Meglical Joidan back to Michael Jordan or say lasagna once you know alabazunia is an option??  How could we ever go back to "family movie nights" when "fanny noonie nights" are so much fun!?)
• They give the worst compliments, that are really the best.  Like "Thank you, Mama, for these yucky eggs!"
• They are so honest. ("I don't like your air smell." aka breath.)
• They have given me the chance to have my dream job.
• They still want me to come to their school and eat lunch with them and read books to their class.
• They all sleep in a specific position, but there are no repeats.  
• Awake or asleep, they are completely unique individuals, which I feel like is rare for a large family.
• When London wakes up, she has one flap of hair on top of her head that sort of stands up and waves back and forth slowly like it is under water.  It is a gravity-defying miracle on top of a child's head.
• Harper tells me I am beautiful pretty much every day, even if I haven't showered in decades.
• Annalee has a scroll the width of our block with detailed illustrations of tiny vegetable people.
• Marlie can identify most of the seasonings and spices in a dish, using only her sense of smell.
• Harper can dribble better than most junior high basketball coaches.
• I don't know if her clock is ticking or what, but London cannot pass a baby on the street without petting him and gently shooshing him, then asking if we can keep him.
• If it isn't a school night, the girls sleep together on the top bunk and stay up late having "quiet sister talk."  If you press for details all you can get outta them is that they talk about "their feelings."
• They have inspired me to say and do things I never thought I would say or do.

I could seriously go on and on about them forever.  Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while already know that.  :)  I am thankful for them and I will never understand how in the world I am the one who gets to be their mother.  

All of us either have kids, work with kids, know kids, or know somebody else who has kids.  It is a big responsibility to have influence in a child's life.  I am going to work on encouraging parents more, and I am going to work on the way I speak to my kids.  I want to eliminate all harsh or critical talk and only speak nurturing, life-giving words to them.  Here goes nothing!  What child could you influence??

1st Month Free, 2nd Month... I Put You to Work

I just finished one of the crazier months I have had in a long time.  Kindnesses were randomly splattered across Rochester by my friends and I, then across the country by so many of you who got on board and joined in!  I was inspired by how many people are really eager to DO something.  We also had an unsuccessful adoption, and are back to square one, just waiting... but, now we wait with this whole new fear and fragility that we hadn't had before.  I am ready for this month to bring new things, new life, and who knows... maybe the baby that God has selected to be in our family forever will finally make his or her way home.   

For the month of November, I have gone back and forth, counted votes and suggestions through emails, facebook comments, texts and calls.  Here is what I have decided... I have no idea what to do for the month of November.  I wanted to choose something that would keep everyone super involved and excited and inspired... but, the bottom line is that I am not that interesting.  I am a story-teller, yes, and I am passionate about sharing my life and struggles with other people, but it is really all pointless if there is no bigger purpose behind it.  I don't have any interest in telling all my deep, dark secrets in such a public way... if it does not inspire transformation.  So, I am going to spend the next 30 days reflecting on the things I am most thankful for, but I don't want to stop there... I want to MOVE in some sort of responsive ACTION.  Here's the thing though, I want you to come with me this time.

First I am going to tell you what I am going to do, and then I want you to think about what you are going to do.  Our generation has been accused of being major slackers.  Let's be honest, we are a shortcuttin' people are we not???  So, there is a part of that accusation that is true.  When we actually try to stand up for something, people have called it "slacktivism."  (It is such a clever insult, I can't even hate on it.)  But, I would like us to try and prove this to be untrue.

I will continue to pour out my heart, openly share my struggles, and take comedic jabs at my poor husband... but, only if you guys join me.  Well, leave the Tom-jabbing to me, but other than that... this is an "all-skate" as my pastor would say.  It is audience participation time!!  Get. on. board.

So, Day 1.  I am overwhelmingly thankful for my mother today.  I cannot bear to spend more than a few moments at a time thinking of how she felt 20 years ago today, when she had to come home and tell us that Adam was gone.  I remember each slow-motion moment, and I hope that I never have to dream of being as strong as she has been.  

As I shared before, I was dressed as my brother for Halloween the year that he was killed, and I came home and took off his warm-ups and sat down in his wrestling singlet and ate candy until I was about to vomit.  The next morning, when my mom and sister (Kristin) and her, then, fiancee (Joe) came home from the hospital, Adam's warm-ups were still on the floor.  As clearly as if it happened this morning, I can remember my mother seeing that little pile of Adam's clothes, crumpled from when his baby sister stepped out of them the night before, and asking Joe (with her sad eyes and one small movement of her hand) to take them away.

In a moment that a mother's pain could so easily have drifted her away to another world... she stayed there in the most painful moment of her life, so she could try to protect my sister (BethAnn) and I.  Nothing could have softened that moment that we learned that Adam would never come home, but the fact that my mom tried, makes her the most amazing woman on planet earth.  

I am so proud of who my mom is, and how she has faithfully served God and ministered to the souls of other woman who have lost their children.  She is funny and ridiculous and she taught me that it is better to stand out for being yourself than to blend in by pretending you are somebody that you're not.  She was the primary influence in me becoming who I am.  The original Hurricane Sandi, my mother and friend, and also my hero.  

(Besides Norm Green.)

So, here is what I am going to do.  I am going to publicly declare that my mother was always right.  There is truly nothing else that I could do that would make her happier.  You, Mom, were right about everything.  I will also call her to say thank you for every dime she spent on me, and every prayer she prayed over me, and every tournament she drove me to.  I will thank her for the surprise outings she took us on (except for that one time where she was like "surprise, it's a horrible musical!")  I will thank her for letting me check out as many audio casette/books in those huge ziplock bags from the library as I wanted.  I will thank her for being her, and for letting me be me.  

Now, it's your turn... time to call yo mama... or someone who plays a motherly role in your life, and tell her why you are thankful for her.  Then, share your story in the comment thread below.  Take it from me... we are all in this together, and when you think you are telling your own story, you are probably telling someone else's too.  So, let's spend this month giving thanks together and sharing our stories with each other, and for each other.

 

 

Helping the Ho Ho Homeless

For Day 31, the final day of my 31 Random Acts of Kindness, I put together a bag of stuff to deliver to a homeless man... Warm coat, warm socks, gum, snacks, meal replacement bars, candy, soap, cocoa, tea, etc.  I hit a few of the spots where there are some "regulars" but nobody was there.  We had dinner plans and trick-or-treating with friends, so we bagged the hunt for the homeless, and decided to try again on our way home.  We pretty much just drove through the worst parts of the city looking for a homeless person who might want tea.

This led to a totally ridiculous dialogue between Tom and I. Here are some highlights...

L: I don't know, everyone looks homeless.

T: No, he is walking too fast.  The homeless don't have to rush around like that.

L: Just because he is carrying so many plastic bags doesn't mean he is homeless.

T:  Have you ever seen anyone who isn't homeless carry that many bags?

L: Let's just see if that guys needs anything.

T: I'm not just going to assume that someone is homeless, I am not stopping until I am sure.  I need to see someone actually lying on cardboard before I approach them.

L: There are never any homeless people when you need one.

T: I don't know... maybe they cured homelessness.

We ended up bringing our care package to a local mission.  We are hoping that one of the extremely well-hidden homeless men in Rochester will come to the mission tonight, looking for a bed, and will discover a warm coat and some snack foods.  This felt a little like a fail, which is not how I wanted to go out... but, I also think that the idea here is that we are trying.  The intentionality of the kindnesses are the point.  It becoming a way of life is the point.  Glorifying God by seeing past ourselves, is the point.  I think that we accomplished those things this month.  

By the end of the night, spectacles were mangled, all the givers were "thank you ma'am"-ed, the candy was sorted and bartered, and we had a good time with friends and family.  There are only a few minutes left in the month of October, and while that is usually a good thing, I have to admit that I am feeling like I have to say goodbye to a dear friend I don't want to let go.  Partly because this is the most connected I have felt to Adam since he died.  And partly because this is the closest I have felt to the community of people who knew and loved him during his short life.  And also because of the amazing stories many of you have shared with me, of kindnesses that you passed on and ways that you creatively served others.

I believe that I will make this a yearly tradition for my family because I can't imagine a better way to celebrate the memory of Adam's life, instead of focusing just on his death.  

As promised, I took lots of pictures of my four little Santas.  I was Mrs. Clause and Tom was an elf.  You may have to look close on Tom's but he has pointy felt ears, and a curl on his shoes.  ***Important Advisory!!! If you have a heart condition, or are easily nauseated, do not look at the following pictures.  I made myself into a future version of myself.  I was saddened by how disturbed Tom was with Elderly Me.  It ain't pretty y'all, I'm not gonna lie.  (But, Tom probably should have.)

Man Cannot Live on Potatoes Alone

Tomorrow is Halloween.  This is usually the day that I am dreading.  I never know how I am going to feel or what I will want to do, so I dread making plans that I will feel I have to keep.  I spend the week (or two) before Halloween pouring myself into making homemade costumes, like these:

Jesse from Toy Story 2

Daniel Son and Capatin Awesomehook 

Two Cupcakes and a Candle 

A Chick hatching out of an egg, Jesse, Al from Al's Toy Barn and Lebron James

Prince Moustachio

This is how I spend shameless amounts of time, distracting myself from the pain of the anniversary of my brother's death, and focusing on the fun and silliness of the day instead.  This year, all four kids are going to be Santa Claus.  How about that for all your pagan rituals knocked out in one??  Take that legalism.

Anyways, I asked Harper what I should do for my act of kindness when I was sitting knee deep in Santa Fur and red felt... and he said "I don't know, maybe you could make four Santa costumes for us?"  

So, let us count that as kindness #1: handmade Santa costumes for the children... complete with beards, spectacles (thanks Aunt Carlie for making those!), and fur-trimmed toy sacks which double as candy bags.  I might count this as a kindness to all of mankind again tomorrow when I post the picture.  Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing better than four Santas of varying sizes, genders and skin tones.  

Kindness #2: I agreed to start driving a little girl to and from ballet twice a week.  Her mother has work conflicts and would no longer be able to do ballet if someone couldn't take her back and forth.  This might be one of the most challenging and sacrificial Acts of Kindness I have done so far.  It is a mad scramble to get to ballet on time as it is... 

My original Kindness #3 will be postponed until tomorrow because Tom feared for my safety and forbid me from this late-night kindness and instead forced me to commit...

Kindness #4: delivering Indian food to a bachelor down the street who had only eaten potatoes for dinner.

Okay, Tom didn't force me.  I tried to force him, and he wouldn't cave so I delivered some of the dinner that I made, plus a refreshing beverage.  The neighbor seemed very excited and said I was awesome.  Tom coulda been a part of all that... but, he just hates kindness, and bachelors, and he wishes all-potato dinners on everyone he sees.

As for me, I am finding myself dreading Halloween a little less than normal.  It has been a totally different experience using the whole month to really think about Adam in a positive way.  I think that October will start to feel less and less about the anniversary of my brother's death, and more about the month where I serve others intentionally because that is who my brother was, and that is who God requires me to be.  

I Hope Sandy's Hungry

Today was a potpourri of kindnesses.  

Kindness #1: I left my purse at church on Sunday and it was rescued by the children's ministry director and his wife, so I thanked him when I went to church to retrieve my purse by bringing him a thermos full of hot, spiced cider.  

Problem #1: His wife was really the heroin of the purse, so I probably cider-gifted the wrong person.

Problem #2: When the kids discovered that I had given the rest of the spiced cider to Mr. Matt, they made it clear that they were ready to be done giving our treats away to other people to be kind.  

Kindness #2: I bought a few extra stamps to leave with the cashier at the post office for other customers who need stamps.

Kindness #3: I bought a snickers for the checkout lady at the grocery store.

Problem #3:  All my little extras have started adding up... I should have budgeted for a kindness expense account so that we can stop hovering just above the poverty line.

Kindness #4:  I gathered and returned people's grocery carts for them so they could get out of the rain as soon as they loaded their groceries into their cars.

Problem #4:  People were bulking up on staples in preparation for power outages, so that meant a lot of standing in the rain waiting for their carts.  This made them slightly uncomfortable, and put me at moderate risk of hypothermia.  

Kindness #5: I brought a meal and a few basics (well, carrot cake isn't technically a basic, unless you have taste buds...) to a man who recently lost his wife.  He is living alone and his daughter is very near and dear to my heart, but she lives out of state.  So, a little extra love and care from me, is like a little love and care from her.  So, I think he was blessed by my delivery.

Problem #5:  This man was not at home, so I had to leave the items on his porch.  Normally this wouldn't be that big of a deal, if it weren't for...

Problem #6: Hurricane Sandy.

I know people always say that it is the thought that counts, but sometimes it is actually eating the dinner that counts.  "What!? You're dinner blew away entirely!?  Oh... well, it's the thought that counts."  Nobody would ever say that because it's so stupid.  So, I am hoping that his dinner survived.

I quintupled up on Acts of Kindness partly because I am nearing the end of this month, and I want to get in as much as I can while I am this focused and intentional about doing it... but also because it has become a habit.  I don't know if I can ever go through the grocery check-out and chose to not spring for the extra 70 cents to make someone's day.  It is just becoming a way of life... which is really bad news for my kids who think that in a few days I will stop giving away all our candy.

Okay, readers, followers, friends... I have a favor to ask.  I am in a blogging groove with my daily posts, and many of you have asked me what I am going to do in November. The answer... surprise! I have no idea.  So, tell me this... what would YOU like to see me do for the month of November?  Place your votes in a comment below or on facebook or through an email or private message.  Send me a telegram if you must... but I need input!  I want to keep going because I have so enjoyed sharing this journey with so many of you, it's about time you people helped me carry all this baggage! ;)