today i blew my baby's nose into a pair of dirty socks.
usually, i would opt for my sleeve, or a receipt from my pocket, or whatever elderly tissue i could find crumpled in the bottom of my diaper bag. but today was special. today was a snot-in-sock kinda day. we were at the park with some lovely friends (shout out to jeannine and her well-behaved and sweet kiddos) and it was getting pretty hot, so i had marlie take off her socks. it was handy timing because not too long after that, i saw london trying to blow her own nose into the pocket of her overalls.
"sick," i think to myself. dirty socks made much more sense.
this was my first playdate with this woman. and i was thankful that she didn't judge me. out loud.
i have been processing through this whole judging, comparing, insecurity issue. i think i am coming into a good place where i am starting to, unabashedly, be who i am. in some ways, i feel like i have always been myself... no matter who i was around. but, immediately upon leaving any social situation... i beat myself up for being myself. for talking too much, or being too opinionated, or for asking such personal questions, or for not asking enough questions, or for waving my gangly limbs around too much when i talk.
this blog has actually been very therapeutic in regard to being myself. lately, a few "closeted" readers came forward and confessed to following my blog. they were such encouraging women! they said such lovely, complimentary things. but the best thing was when my friend, sue, said "it makes me feel like maybe i can be my self, and i don't have to fake it all the time."
what a blessing those words were to me. so often i consider whether or not i should filter, or sensor, or eliminate something i have done, or said, or felt. tom, my faithful proof-reader, continually encourages me, saying something to the effect of "you haven't had a filter a day in your life, why would you start now."
he frees me to be me. sue, and these other ladies that encouraged me and my little blog, freed me up to be me. and even those little moments where i literally (or figuratively) blow my baby's nose in a pair of gym socks, and forget that maybe that's disgusting and my new friend might be repulsed... instead, she just laughs and suggests i blog about it, and makes me feel free to be me.
so, this blog post is dedicated to any other secret blog- followers out there. you may think of yourself as a "blog-stalker" or even a "creeper" as one woman swore that she was not. but i don't care how shady or shifty you are, this post is for you readers in the closet. just know, that there are others out there just like you. you are not in this alone. and i appreciate you all, even if you never come forward. when i write some crazy story about my life, or an even crazier story about what goes on in this head of mine... you read it and you don't send me mean emails, and in some small way, that makes me feel free to be myself. and for better or worse, i am one nutty broad... so i will take all the freedom i can get!
if you, or someone you love, has secretly followed a blog... now is the time to confess it. there is a whole bunch of us out there. so don't be ashamed of how creeptastic you may seem., just confess your blog love freely. and, if you're in a pinch, wipe a nose with whatever you fancy.