August 22, 2011

there's a support group for that.

today i blew my baby's nose into a pair of dirty socks.

usually, i would opt for my sleeve, or a receipt from my pocket, or whatever elderly tissue i could find crumpled in the bottom of my diaper bag.  but today was special.  today was a snot-in-sock kinda day.  we were at the park with some lovely friends (shout out to jeannine and her well-behaved and sweet kiddos) and it was getting pretty hot, so i had marlie take off her socks.  it was handy timing because not too long after that, i saw london trying to blow her own nose into the pocket of her overalls.

"sick," i think to myself.  dirty socks made much more sense.

this was my first playdate with this woman.  and i was thankful that she didn't judge me.  out loud.

i have been processing through this whole judging, comparing, insecurity issue.  i think i am coming into a good place where i am starting to, unabashedly, be who i am.  in some ways, i feel like i have always been myself... no matter who i was around.  but, immediately upon leaving any social situation... i beat myself up for being myself.  for talking too much, or being too opinionated, or for asking such personal questions, or for not asking enough questions, or for waving my gangly limbs around too much when i talk.

this blog has actually been very therapeutic in regard to being myself.  lately, a few "closeted" readers came forward and confessed to following my blog.  they were such encouraging women!  they said such lovely, complimentary things.  but the best thing was when my friend, sue, said "it makes me feel like maybe i can be my self, and i don't have to fake it all the time."

what a blessing those words were to me.  so often i consider whether or not i should filter, or sensor, or eliminate something i have done, or said, or felt.  tom, my faithful proof-reader, continually encourages me, saying something to the effect of "you haven't had a filter a day in your life, why would you start now."

he frees me to be me.  sue, and these other ladies that encouraged me and my little blog, freed me up to be me.  and even those little moments where i literally (or figuratively) blow my baby's nose in a pair of gym socks, and forget that maybe that's disgusting and my new friend might be repulsed... instead, she just laughs and suggests i blog about it, and makes me feel free to be me.

so, this blog post is dedicated to any other secret blog- followers out there.  you may think of yourself as a "blog-stalker" or even a "creeper" as one woman swore that she was not.  but i don't care how shady or shifty you are, this post is for you readers in the closet.  just know, that there are others out there just like you.  you are not in this alone. and i appreciate you all, even if you never come forward.  when i write some crazy story about my life, or an even crazier story about what goes on in this head of mine... you read it and you don't send me mean emails, and in some small way, that makes me feel free to be myself.  and for better or worse, i am one nutty broad... so i will take all the freedom i can get!

if you, or someone you love, has secretly followed a blog... now is the time to confess it.  there is a whole bunch of us out there.  so don't be ashamed of how creeptastic you may seem., just confess your blog love freely.  and, if you're in a pinch, wipe a nose with whatever you fancy.


13 comments:

  1. i've been a follower on blogger for a while, but i've never commented, so i'm kind of a half creeper. probably even more of a creeper actually because i've met you a few times in real life, but not really. so, sorry about that. ha. i found you when you started the etsy shop for your next adoption and just couldn't stay away since you're, umm, hilarious. just thought i'd come out of the creep closet :)

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  2. Hi Lara! I totally read your blog. Well, when facebook reminds me to. I've never posted, and you probably have no idea that I read it, so I'm coming out from the shadows to tell you. I didn't intend to creep. If I had ever produced something useful or witty to say, I would have posted. Sometimes I just read and think to myself "oh yay ... Lara."
    Do you know the difference between a creek and a river? A river is navigable at all times of the year in a canoe, a creek is not. It might not be witty, but I think you'll find that tidbit of info incredibly useful.

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  3. I just realized that my post was 'anonymous.' If you can guess who this is you can pick either a gold star or a cookie.

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  4. that is perfect. anonymously coming out of the shadows. haha.

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  5. Thanks, Tom. At least someone appreciated my irony. Apparently your wife doesn't want to play my game. Boo. No cookies or gold stars will be awarded, I guess.

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  6. just so it's clear - we still don't know who you are. ???

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  7. Because Lara won't play, and I don't think you can guess. Also because I apparently take a week to respond. In addition, what was funny, you know - weeks ago - has now gone on too long and isn't really humorous. Just silly. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for silly. But funny-silly, not pathetic-silly.

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  8. ok... i'll play, i'll play! i am bad at responding to comments. my apologies. i am guessing that anonymous is Lindy Nesbitt?

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  9. and wildchild... thanks for following. and for coming out of the creep closet! ha!

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  10. Yay. Glad I still had this up. Wrong. I wish that was my name, that is a pretty sweet name. You met me almost exactly twelve years ago. By the way, this all still qualifies as funny-pathetic.

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  11. okay so i met you in college? my first roommate sarah k?? give me a clue!

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  12. You WIN! Of course you're good at this game, you're good at everything :) I'm so happy you're loving mommy life!

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  13. haha! i cannot believe i guessed!! how are you!? mommin' it up too! :) loving your pics on facebook. you look great! :) thanks for your creepy confession!

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