Everything is going wrong.
I am not throwing a pity party, and I am not just a completely negative person. Trust me, you have to have a delusional amount of optimism to plan a trip like this. So, when I say that everything is going south... It is a realistic estimation of this trip.
To save myself time (and to prevent myself from sliding into a deep, dark depression by going over all the ridiculous details) I am just going to list all of the crazy upsets from day #5.
-London peed her car seat, two more times.
-Annalee injured her big toe. Not sure what happened, but it is red and swollen and painful to walk on. For a trip with a ton of walking, this is a major problem.
-We took her to an urgent care and the doctor acted like I was an idiot for bringing her in. (somehow it was MORE stupid to bring her to the doctor, than to have ignored it. My inner rage-aholic almost punched him in the jaw, but thought better of it because Annalee was there.)
-we forgot a stroller and hiking pack for London. Also bad news for a trip with this much walking.
-we paid double the regular price for an umbrella stroller outside DC.
-when we got to DC and opened the stroller it was MISSING THE FRONT WHEELS. So we pushed London around the city popping a wheely the whole time. Apparently, in DC, you pay twice as much, for half the wheels.
-a state police horse named Stonewall thought London was an apple and munched her head, leaving the top of her covered in bubbly horse foam, and maybe a little traumatized.
-A man with a machine gun asked me to please keep the children back from the fountain, leaving me a little traumatized. (Is the machine gun really necessary, sir? To guard the fountain?)
-half the monuments in DC were closed and the reflection pool was nearly dried up. It was a sad, sad representation of the economic times. Orrrr just a good idea of how hot it was.
-we spent three hours stuck in traffic.
-the kids did so awesome in the car, we stopped to buy ice cream to make orange soda floats on the road. The ice cream was spoiled. Ice cream doesn't spoil you say? Oh, yes it does... Just ask 7-11, it's all they sell.
-mid-drive, our GPS spontaneously takes it upon itself to switch to "least use of freeways" mode. This added hours to our driving time.
-I suspect that the GPS also switches to "least gas stations and highest crime rate" right around the time we need to fill up for gas.
-our GPS is clearly a saboteur.
-we are perpetually running one thousand minutes behind schedule at all times.
-we have had to forbid the children from doing the following (absurd) things at one point or another: repeatedly asking for socks, laughing at such a high-pitch only dogs (and parents) can hear it, touching surfer Kyle until your snack is finished, spitting in your hand and rubbing on your legs like lotion, standing too close to a stranger's backside, standing close enough to a horse that he thinks you are an apple, saying "the yellow marker was mine," screaming like you're on fire, unless you are actually ON fire.
-as I type this, we just discovered that the tunnel (ie; only way out) from Virginia Beach to get to Colonial Williamsburg is blocked and we literally cannot go there today. I mean, come on!
There has seriously been one road block after another, metaphorically speaking. Now, we are switching over to LITERAL road blocks. Tom is gonna jerk the wheel.
At one point I was begging Tom to let us to fake our own deaths so that we didn't have to tear down camp, and we could just leave everything there and escape across the border. This may have been an all-time low.
I am trying to look at the bright side and all I can come up with is that maybe the uni-bomber is following the same itinerary as us, so God is sparing us from our imminent doom.