Day 17 was a day of unexpected kindnesses. Mostly received, which is my personal nightmare... but I am really working on it.
It started with a stranger generously providing a place for us to stay if/when we have to go to Manhattan to get the maybe baby. This woman and I had never met, not one. single. time. It was totally the definition of a random act of kindness! To receive something so needed from a stranger was truly overwhelming. I think God is sweetly bringing me along to see the big picture of how He uses us to intertwine in each other's lives so that He can bless and provide for us, through one another. Kindness #1, received.
From there, I went to my friend Shana's house, because she offered to take Harper and London for the morning so that I could try to get things ready for the baby. The kids had a great time apparently, because when I said it was time to get going, London hauled into the back room and locked herself in a dog cage. I don't about you, but I have ended all of my best dates this way. Nothing says "Thanks, I had a great time!" like imprisoning oneself in a kennel. After I dragged her out of the dog cage, she refused to walk or cooperate in general, so I picked her up firmly and carried her to the van while she was flailing and air-swimming with every bit of rage she could muster. Still, Kindness #2, received.
It was time to pay it forward. I wanted to do something that someone like me would appreciate. In this current state, I am a hot mess. I am obsessively checking my phone for an email, text, call... anything from the social worker. (It doesn't matter because every buzz or beep that my phone lets out, is Sears. I don't know how they got my email address, but who cares... it's always Sears.) Blast that Sears! Unless Sears can present me with an actual baby, I don't want to hear a single beep or buzz outta them. When I am in a mode like this, where I am frazzled and harebrained and generally forgetful and aloof... I can forget to take care of basic responsibilities. Even returning a book to the library proves to require too much remembering to actually do it.
So, for Day 17, I thought that I would bring redemption upon people like me. I brought some money to the library to pay for late fees. The librarian was very confused at first, then he got disproportionately excited. He actually went and got the other librarian and they fussed over the generosity and the inspiration. All I could think of was the stranger-friend who is blessing us with this place to stay, and the actual friends who are helping support me along the way. I thought about how little I have actually done, and what I have actually received during the first 17 days, and I am overwhelmed.
Just as I was leaving, librarian #2 said "I hope that you find this kindness rebounded upon your own life."
I am finding that it already has.
How exciting about your maybe baby! Sorry I haven't been able to keep up with the posts, we've had our own senseless busyness going on over here. But I have been keeping up with thinking 'outside myself.' I've delivered jars of homemade veggie soup, extended grace to someone I wanted to pummel, spoken up when feeling nudged despite it being unpopular (sadly kindness is not as popular or fun as meanness seems to be), and offered to babysit for someone in need even though it was inconvenient. Phew! Keep it up Lara--we are cheering for you!
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