We are getting very close to when this little "maybe baby" is coming into the world. The young woman with whom we have been speaking/texting is due in just over a week. After everything we learned in October, we are very cautiously and reservedly optimistic that this situation will develop into us adopting this child. "Optimistic" probably isn't the best word since, as I shared in my last post, it is not without great pain that we pursue the complexities of adoption... we believe that the best case scenario is for a child to be raised by his or her biological parents. It is with a very heavy heart that we bring a child into our home, and away from his first mother. That being said, we acknowledge that it is not always possible for a young woman to parent, and I will forever admire any woman in this situation who truly does her best for her child - whether that means single parenting, or making an adoption plan if she feels that is best.
We have another call scheduled for tomorrow, and this time a family member will join the call as well. (Enter Tom's heart palpitations and full drawers.) We hope to hear more about her thoughts and plans from her social worker today, as they are supposed to meet and discuss some plans/preferences for when the baby is born. I have no idea what specifics they will come up with, but "curious" about her thoughts and plans would be the understatement of the century. (Obsessively preoccupied would probably be a more accurate statement.)
Our communication over the past week has been really positive and even a little playful at times, she has been very careful and respectful of boundaries, despite the fact that we are probably less worried about that than she is at this point. Still, it is a good sign that we could have a really healthy, open and ongoing relationship with her if she does choose to have us parent this baby.
Over the past week, we have have grieved with and prayed for two families who are suffering through all of the painful emotions of a disrupted adoption. The heartbreak they are experiencing is overwhelming to me, and and this has, naturally, filled us with a good amount of trepidation moving forward. It is certainly tempting to close our hearts off to this young woman who has our future in her hands, and I can understand why so many adoptive parents are tempted to keep birthmothers at a distance, but I can't help but admit that I feel like that is a fear-based decision rather than a love-based decision.
I want to operate out of faith and grace and love, rather than operating out of fear. I am still learning what this even looks like, but this process is helping. I sooo long for Harper to have a relationship with his first mom, and I can see how it effects him to be without that. So, as scary as it is to keep moving forward... that is what we are doing. One call and one text at a time, we are just moving forward in faith and grace and love... trusting that whatever she chooses will be her doing her absolute best for her child. And if it just so happens that she chooses for us to have the privilege of adopting him, we will spend our lives doing our absolute best, and trying to include her and honor her every step of the way.